When A Student Unloads On You
I remember speaking for a group of several hundred students. The night felt like it went pretty well to me. Pretty well, that is, until an arrogant freshman in high school unloaded on me right after I walked off the platform.
"Can I talk to you, Jeanne?" he asked firmly.
"Sure," I responded glibly, thinking it was probably another opportunity to connect personally with a student after the service.
"Well, I think somebody needs to tell you that you got your Scripture reference tonight wrong. Your mess up was in your first point. It was way wrong. You put two verses together that were 11 verses apart in the Bible. You shouldn't do that anymore."
I stumbled a minute for the right words. My notes and my Bible were still on the platform; and the crowd of kids still worshiping near the front made it tough for me to retrieve them right then.
"Wow, thanks for telling me that," I tried to kindly respond to the know-it-all young guy. "If I had my Bible a little closer, I think I could show you the references. I believe they were the two verses I read, and those verses are right together. I'll sure check it out though and make changes if I messed it up."
The kid paused, pleased that he had gotten me straightened out. "My dad thinks you're wrong too," he added. "He and I talked about your mess up right after service and he's pretty ticked that you'd misquote the Bible." I muttered something again about being appreciative for his thoughts and that I'd sure check it out. Then the young watchdog for biblical accuracy disappeared into the sea of teenagers.
But do you know what didn't disappear? You've got it. My mind games. I even had a ridiculous dream that night about this kid getting me told a second time. Embarrassing as it is to admit it, I fell asleep replaying that conversation over in my head. My logical brain asked a couple of obvious questions to myself:
Why do I even care what this know-it-all young teenage guy thinks of me?
I wonder why my brain doesn't as easily focus on the students who were positively impacted for Christ that night by my talk instead of this one negative student?
So what's my take-away for you as a fellow youth leader? There will always be voices around you that will quickly tell you what you're doing wrong in youth ministry more than what you're doing right. If none of those comments ever give you a tough time, you've probably hardened yourself up a little more than I'm totally comfortable with. (It's tough to be sensitive WITH people if you are no longer sensitive TO people.)
I also predict that you'll stay in the youth ministry trenches a lot longer if you take control of the negative tapes in your head before they take control of you. A great Book I often read tells us to "bring our thoughts into captivity." So learn to "sentence" some of your defeating thoughts "to jail" and teach yourself to purposefully rethink the good ones. Arrogant 14-year-old kids will be around forever. But your personal choices about what you allow to take up space in your mind will be around forever too.
And just in case you were wondering, I checked my message notes. The kid and his dad were wrong. Makes you feel better, I'm sure.
I remember speaking for a group of several hundred students. The night felt like it went pretty well to me. Pretty well, that is, until an arrogant freshman in high school unloaded on me right after I walked off the platform.
"Can I talk to you, Jeanne?" he asked firmly.
"Sure," I responded glibly, thinking it was probably another opportunity to connect personally with a student after the service.
"Well, I think somebody needs to tell you that you got your Scripture reference tonight wrong. Your mess up was in your first point. It was way wrong. You put two verses together that were 11 verses apart in the Bible. You shouldn't do that anymore."
I stumbled a minute for the right words. My notes and my Bible were still on the platform; and the crowd of kids still worshiping near the front made it tough for me to retrieve them right then.
"Wow, thanks for telling me that," I tried to kindly respond to the know-it-all young guy. "If I had my Bible a little closer, I think I could show you the references. I believe they were the two verses I read, and those verses are right together. I'll sure check it out though and make changes if I messed it up."
The kid paused, pleased that he had gotten me straightened out. "My dad thinks you're wrong too," he added. "He and I talked about your mess up right after service and he's pretty ticked that you'd misquote the Bible." I muttered something again about being appreciative for his thoughts and that I'd sure check it out. Then the young watchdog for biblical accuracy disappeared into the sea of teenagers.
But do you know what didn't disappear? You've got it. My mind games. I even had a ridiculous dream that night about this kid getting me told a second time. Embarrassing as it is to admit it, I fell asleep replaying that conversation over in my head. My logical brain asked a couple of obvious questions to myself:
Why do I even care what this know-it-all young teenage guy thinks of me?
I wonder why my brain doesn't as easily focus on the students who were positively impacted for Christ that night by my talk instead of this one negative student?
So what's my take-away for you as a fellow youth leader? There will always be voices around you that will quickly tell you what you're doing wrong in youth ministry more than what you're doing right. If none of those comments ever give you a tough time, you've probably hardened yourself up a little more than I'm totally comfortable with. (It's tough to be sensitive WITH people if you are no longer sensitive TO people.)
I also predict that you'll stay in the youth ministry trenches a lot longer if you take control of the negative tapes in your head before they take control of you. A great Book I often read tells us to "bring our thoughts into captivity." So learn to "sentence" some of your defeating thoughts "to jail" and teach yourself to purposefully rethink the good ones. Arrogant 14-year-old kids will be around forever. But your personal choices about what you allow to take up space in your mind will be around forever too.
And just in case you were wondering, I checked my message notes. The kid and his dad were wrong. Makes you feel better, I'm sure.
Related Items
This Youth Leader's Coach is a very unique discussion. I am calling it "The Shadow Side Of Youth Ministry."
Statistics tell us that 1200 ministers leave full time ministry every single month! There are a million reasons for that, but a huge answer is found in this issue of us having a "shadow side" that if not recognized can get the best of us, pretty much taking us out of the game. Because this is so key, let us honestly reflect on the paradox of personal pain and how it relates to our walk with Christ and our leadership style in youth ministry. And then let's look at several of the most common "shadow sides" and the telltale signs to watch out for in your own heart and ministry. If not recognized they can become areas that will destroy you if you let them get bigger and bigger.
Growing through my "shadow side,"
While I don't need encouraged to take a vacation, Charles Spurgeon's quote, "when fatigue walks in, faith walks out," reminds me of the importance of one. Trying to juggle the demands of ministry can be grueling. Though I consider myself pretty tough, on occasion even I question the sustainability of it all. That's why, once a year, I hit the pause button and head to Cancun.
It's the time of year when I stop long enough to get a clearer aerial view of exactly how "on course" or "off course" I am when it comes to running my ministry race well. This year was no exception. In this Youth Leader's Coach, you'll hear some of the course corrections Jesus is calling me, and maybe even you, to make. I'm determined to cross the finish line both healthy and whole. Won't you join me?!
Refusing to stop short,
The average senior pastor in the ‘70s had a tenure in full-time ministry of 30 years. Now the lifespan of the average senior pastor in full-time ministry is CUT IN HALF...to only 15 years! The million dollar question though is, why? I think that much of the answer rests in the "emotional roller coaster" of ministry's constantly changing high's and low's.
In this month's Youth Leader's Coach, "Riding the Emotional Roller Coaster Called Ministry," I'm talking leader to leader about the emotional journey that ministry sometimes takes us on. So grab a cup of coffee and a journal as we navigate our efforts as leaders to stay in the game wholeheartedly through the ups and downs.
Hanging On For The Ride,
So you've spent hours and hours planning for your big event...it was going to be awesome...amazing...life changing...and it bombs! Big time! Your worship leader gets diagnosed with strep throat and cancels two hours before your event...the major actor in your drama forgets his lines...you find out after it's too late that there's a major concert at the school and half the youth group doesn't show up...and those who come "yawn" their way through most of the night. In short, it sure wasn't the night to build your self-confidence.
Don't you just hate it when that happens? I've had a million bombs myself. And I have repeatedly realized that things often seem MUCH WORSE in my mind than in everyone else's. In this Youth Leader's Coach, I talk through simple pragmatics you can do when you have "one of THOSE nights." This is one that you will want to take some notes on, so grab a cup of coffee and tune in!
Lovingly,
This Youth Leader’s Coach is a leadership pep talk that I often give to myself. It's this kind of self-talk that has kept me in the game for over four decades. Henry Thoreau said, "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, maybe it is because he marches to the beat of a different drummer." And through the run when challenges came, I learned that no man is ever down for the count…until he quits in his own mind. So, I just get back up and keep drumming!
I hope these simple pragmatics will help you if you ever feel like you're discouraged or want to give up. And don't forget, you can never let God down. Do you know why? Because you were never holding Him up in the first place! If you don't need this encouragement now...you will. So, listen to this Youth Leader's Coach so you are prepared to just KEEP DRUMMING. If you do that my friend, I promise that heaven and I will be clapping for you.
Lovingly,
